


Tales From The Chug 'N Squeeze

by thebeanunderthecorner



Series: the one with the jackals [4]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alcohol Mentions, Angst, Anniversary, Anxiety, Demiromantic Angus McDonald, Engagement, First Dates, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Meet-Cute, Multi, Musicals, Mutual Pining, Non-Consensual Touching, Pregnancy, Secrets, Unmet Expectations, pottery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:15:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28030755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeanunderthecorner/pseuds/thebeanunderthecorner
Summary: The Chug 'N Squeeze has always been a popular date spot for courting couples. Sometimes, the employees wish it wasn't, but with the newfound acknowledgment of the moon base's existence as a base and not just a moon, they've been busier than ever. These are some of the things that go on there.(it's a non-linear timeline, don't worry about it)
Relationships: Carey Fangbattle/Killian, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Magnus Burnsides/Ren, Mavis/Angus McDonald, The Director | Lucretia/Original Female Character(s)
Series: the one with the jackals [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036374
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angus McDonald goes on his very first ever date and discovers feelings he didn't think he had

Angus McDonald, World's Greatest Detective, had finally turned twenty-one, and, despite his best efforts, his family made a big to-do about it. 

His dads threw a party the likes of which he'd never even heard of. There were balloons and fireworks and magic and so many desserts, because he couldn't choose just one to be his favorite, and all the people he cared about were there. It was fabulous, a word Angus never used lightly. 

At work, Lucas gave him the day off, which he begrudgingly took to spend time at the library. 

And his girlfriend… Well, he didn't have one. Never had. Detectives who are also professors (and occasionally babysitters) don't often have time for dating. He did hang out with Merle's daughter, Mavis, quite a bit though. So much so that some would assume they were in a relationship if they didn't know any better. But Angus knew they were just really good friends. Best friends, if anyone ever asked. 

Which is why it surprised him when he got a call from Mavis about a week after his twenty-first birthday. 

"Angus McDonald, World's Greatest Detective, speaking," he said, switching into his customer service voice as he picked up his stone. 

"Hey, Angus, it's Mavis," came a voice from the other end. 

"Oh! Hey!" 

"So… I was wondering… Um… so… My dad got Dav signed up for these classes at The Chug 'N Squeeze but they're not gonna go to all of them so… I thought…" She sounded nervous. 

"Yes?" 

"Wannagotooneoftheirclasseswithme?" Mavis blurted out. 

"Yeah! That sounds like fun!" he answered. Angus thought he heard his friend breathe out a sigh of relief, but it could have been anything. 

"Okay! So, the one I was thinking of was their Monday class: Mugs and Moscato. Sound good?" 

"Uh, yeah, lemme just go put that on my calendar. Those things start at 7:30, right?" 

"Yep! I'll see you a little before then, okay?" she inquired. 

"Got it!" the young man confirmed. 

"Great! It's a date!" she chimed, and then hung up. It took Angus a while to process her words. 

"Wait… _WHAT!?_ " he shrieked. It echoed through the apartment. Kravitz came running. 

"What's wrong, kiddo?" he asked through the door. 

Angus threw it open to face one of his dads. 

"Mavis asked if I wanted to go to The Chug 'N Squeeze with her and then said it was a date and I've never been on a date before and I don't know what to do and, and, and-" 

The reaper put a hand on his shoulder. 

"Slow down, Angus. One thing at a time. So. Mavis asked you out?" Angus nodded. "Okay. That's nothing to be worried about. You two are friends. What could go wrong?" He got a stare from Angus. "So you've never been on a date before. Who cares? Just be yourself and be polite and it'll be fine."

"But what if I mess up and totally ruin our friendship?" the young man asked. 

"You're not going to. You're Angus McDonald, World's Greatest Detective! The youngest professor at any school in history!" Kravitz assured him. "You're our son!" he finished, looking him in the eye. "You're going to go out there and be amazing!" 

"Thanks, Dad."

… 

Monday night rolled around and Angus was anxious to get out the door. 

"Hold up, Ango!" Taako said as he reached for the doorknob. He turned around. "Your bow tie’s crooked." The wizard adjusted it for him. "Okay, there. All better. Now, don't let her break your heart. You're my special magic boy and I can't watch you get hurt." 

"Pops, it's just Mavis. It'll be fine," the young man soothed. 

"Oh, good. Wait… Don't break her heart either, bubbeleh. Merle would kill me." Angus would have laughed if it wasn't a likely threat. 

"Definitely don't plan on it. Gotta go now," he said, grabbing hold of the doorknob properly this time. "I'll see you two later! Love you!" 

The door slammed and Taako turned to Kravitz, who sat on the couch with a book. 

"Our little baby is going on his first date!" he cheered. He then joined Kravitz on the couch and let himself drift off, cat on his lap, to the lilting voice of his husband reading the book aloud. 

… 

Angus walked up to The Chug 'N Squeeze to find a nervous Mavis pacing back and forth. 

" Hi, Mavis!," he called out, startling the dwarf in the process. 

"Oh, uh, hi," she said, clearly on edge. "I think we're a little early, but it can't hurt to go find our seats now, I guess." She fidgeted with her hands and Angus wasn't sure he'd ever seen her this anxious. 

"Yeah. Let's go." 

They walked into the business and found their seats a whole fifteen minutes early. The two friends sat in awkward silence as the seats around them filled in. Wine was poured and clay was handed out, and then the instructor began the class. 

… 

Mugs and Moscato was definitely a good intro to pottery throwing, but Angus McDonald, resident genius, just could not get the hang of it. 

"How am I supposed to make a mug if I can't get this to turn right?" he mumbled. "Stupid clay." There was the sound of a chair scraping against the floor and suddenly, he felt two small hands on his. 

"Here. Move the clay to the center of the wheel like this," his best friend suggested, her hands coaxing his clay-filled ones. "There you go," she said. "Now you can get your mug started."

She removed her hands and Angus instantly felt a loss. He wasn't quite sure what it was that caused it, but he felt like Mavis's hands were supposed to be there and they weren't now. He took a sip from his wine glass. 

"Ack! Is all wine this sweet?" 

"What?" asked Mavis, looking up from her pottery wheel. "Oh, uh, no. Moscato's one of the sweetest kinds. Figures that the easiest class would be paired with an easy to drink wine."

"Oh, okay. Cool," he said, returning his attention to the mug-like thing taking shape on his side of the table. He was determined to make it perfect, because genius professor-detectives couldn't be seen drinking from gross-looking cups. It just wouldn't do. 

Mavis noticed his concentration shift and could see that he was entering his perfectionist headspace. He wouldn't stop until it was absolutely flawless and they'd be there all night. She had to intervene. 

"Angus?" The human looked up from his work. "Are you okay?" 

"Of course. I'm fine!" he deflected. He was not fine. 

"No. You're not," Mavis countered, and she saw his facade crack a little. "You're obsessing over your mug, and it's a great vessel, but you keep messing with it. I think your clay is gonna dry out before you get it 'perfect'." 

"But-, no-, I-, hhhhhhh." He sighed. "Okay fine," he huffed. "This is my first date and I'm nervous because I don't wanna mess it up and I don't wanna make our friendship weird or anything and-" He paused his ramble when he felt Mavis's hand on his arm. 

"Hey, it's okay. Look, we're friends. I enjoy spending time with you and I am totally down with our relationship being strictly platonic if that's what you want," she assured him. "Or… this can be a first date and we see where it goes from here." She blushed.

He looked at her. "Really?" 

"Yeah. Really. How have you, Angus McDonald, World's Greatest Detective, been so oblivious all these years?" Mavis laughed. She lightly punched his arm. 

"Hey! I've been busy!" He smiled sheepishly, heat rising to his cheeks. 

"And you have to get busy now or your clay'll dry out," Mavis pointed out.

"Meh. It's a first try anyway. And it's technically done at this point. Pops can have this one."

Mavis giggled, and Angus felt a wave of something wash over him, and he knew that it was going to be a-okay.


	2. Second Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia deserves to be happy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Attempted sexual assault; violence; emotional breakdown.

Lucretia was waiting for her date to arrive. They'd agreed on meeting outside The Chug 'N Squeeze around seven, and it was seven fifteen. She was starting to worry. Then, an enormous figure came running towards her. They got closer and Lucretia realized that it was her date. So she hadn't stood her up after all! 

"OhmygodsI'msosorry!" the other woman blurted out as she came to a stop. "My yoga class went late and I only realized when I was packing up. So sorry I'm late." The goliath ran her hand through her hair. "I guess we should get going, then." She held her arm out for Lucretia to take and the pair walked into The Chug 'N Squeeze. 

They found their seats just in time for the class to start. 

"Okay, class! Tonight, we're going to be making bowls. Everybody have their clay?" a Chug' N Squeeze employee asked.

_ "Okay, everything's going well so far. You've already been on a date with her once, so stop being nervous and get to work on your bowl," _ Lucretia thought. Her hands shook as she started up her pottery wheel, but she got it under control so her date wouldn't notice. She took a sip of her pinot grigio and thought  _ "Nothing's going to go wrong tonight, Luce. Nothing."  _

...

"So, Lucretia," the goliath woman said. Lucretia's pulse quickened. "You're an alien, huh?" 

Okay… Definitely not what she'd expected to be asked on a date, since literally everyone in the planarverse knew her story, but she played along. 

"Uh, yeah… I'm pretty sure you already knew that…" she replied hesitantly.

"Right… So, any odd or unusual anatomy things I should be aware of?" The look she was giving Lucretia made her shudder. 

"Uh… no… Not that I'm aware of. W-why do you ask?" She suddenly felt very intimidated by the eight foot tall woman beside her. 

"So I know what to expect when I have you writhing under my touch later tonight," she whispered into Lucretia's ear. Her body stiffened. This was not how she thought the date would go. She had to get out of there, quick. 

"F-f-flattering. While that sounds  _ lovely _ , I'd rather not tonight," the human appealed. 

"Oh? Why not? Scared I'll ruin you for anyone else?" the goliath's voice rumbled in her ear.

"Look, I barely know you and I'm not ready for that yet." 

"That's okay, baby." The voice was sweet and Lucretia was relieved. "You'll be begging for it soon enough." 

"I doubt that," the human said, suddenly defiant. 

Her date stood to tower over her. 

"So you're just gonna leave me high and dry? What? Am I not good enough for you? Not one of your own? Do you know how many people I had to fight for the opportunity to fuck you?" she snarled. 

Lucretia was taken aback. "Um, what?" 

"Now that you're a celebrity, everyone wants to sleep with you. I thought I was gonna be the one who did you first. Fought my way through the ranks and all. And now, you say I can't! WHAT. THE. FUCK?" The goliath swung her arm around and knocked over their table and a couple other couples. 

Lucretia took this opportunity to duck out of there. Unfortunately, a hand grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her back. 

"NO! YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY FROM ME THAT EASILY!" The goliath woman pulled Lucretia into a possessive and bruising kiss. "You got me all worked up, so it's your job to take care of it!" She kissed her again and Lucretia pushed against her chest to try to break free. She fell to the floor, not from her attempt to free herself, but because one of the Chug 'N Squeeze employees put a restraining spell on the goliath. 

Another worker rushed to Lucretia's side as a couple more were escorting her date out of the building. 

"Are you okay, Madame Director?" they asked. The woman on the floor nodded once, paused to think, and then shook her head feverishly. She curled up in a ball with her arms around her knees and started sobbing. 

How could a date go this terribly? 

What had she done wrong? 

"Why me?" she croaked out. 

She lifted her head to survey the room. It was a disaster, her crumpled form the epicenter of a sea of destruction, tables overturned and equipment broken, wine spilled everywhere, terrified bystanders on the outskirts. 

"I'm sorry, everyone," the despondent woman apologized. "I… Ne-never meant for this to happen." Her voice broke. "I never…" She sniffed, then broke into tears again. 

The employee by her side started rubbing soothing circles onto her back and the crying faded into sniffles. 

"I am so sorry for the disruption, everyone," the teacher called out. "I know you all paid to be here and enjoy your time, but we need you to return home and find another way to spend the rest of your night. There will be another Pinot Grigio & Bowls class next week, and if you head to the front desk on your way out, we can get you in free of charge. Thank you for your patience."

People started shuffling towards the door, avoiding the wreckage as best they could. Lucretia calmed down enough to speak normally again and pulled out her stone of farspeech. The frequency she dialed was one she'd always had programmed in, but rarely used. She hoped they'd answer. 

"Hey, Davenport? Can you come pick me up, please? My date at The Chug 'N Squeeze didn't turn out all that well and I'd like to not be alone right now." The call ended and she placed her head on her knees. 

… 

Half an hour later, Lucretia was sitting on the bench outside the wine and pottery establishment when she saw a few short figures walking towards her. 

"Figured you could use the whole family," Merle said by way of greeting as Mookie crashed into the woman. 

"Thank you," she said quietly, bending over to hug the dwarf child. "Thank you guys so much." 

"That's what family's for," Davenport assured. "Now let's go home." He reached for her hand to help her up and she took it, smoothing her skirt as she stood. 

"Auntie Lucretia, can we go get ice cream?," Mookie asked, looking up at her with the best puppy dog eyes he could muster. 

"Sounds great, kiddo. I could really use a pint right about now."

"You sure you mean ice cream, Creesh?," Merle joked. 

"MERLE! Not in front of the kid!" Davenport scolded. He let go of his husband's hand and shoulder checked him, giggling. 

Lucretia watched the couple in front of her and smiled wistfully. If only she could find someone she could be like that around. 


	3. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh, sir? This is a Chug 'N Squeeze

Magnus had set up a big day for his and Ren’s third anniversary, but it was beginning to look like it wasn’t going to go as planned. 

He tried waking her up with breakfast in bed, but she took a bite of her waffle and then rushed to the bathroom in a hurry. The man got a little concerned, but that was kind of a common thing for Ren to do as of late, so he brushed it off. She’d be back to finish her food soon enough. 

A few minutes passed and she hadn’t returned, so Magnus was starting to worry. He got up from his place on the bed and went to check on her.

“Honey, is everything okay?,” he asked as he knocked on the bathroom door.

“Uh, yeah. It’s fine,” came the reply from inside the bathroom. She didn’t sound so sure, but he thought it best not to press it.

“Okay... Just don’t want your food to get cold. Gotta have energy for the fun day I’ve got planned,” he said before returning to the kitchen for his cup of coffee.

…

Magnus took Ren to a community theater matinee showing of Fantasy Hadestown, which he remembered from when they were first getting to know each other as her favorite musical of all time. 

It was amazing. Magnus was moved a couple times throughout the performance, but every time he looked over at Ren, her face was wet with tears. 

"She must really love this show," he thought. "It's pretty good, so it's understandable that she'd cry." 

Ren was weeping for a different reason, one she knew but didn't quite have a grasp on yet. 

...

They had dinner on the Bureau of Benevolence moon base and then walked to The Chug ‘N Squeeze for the Cab ‘N Vase class Magnus had signed them up for roughly a month in advance. A friendly-looking worker led the pair into the classroom and sat them down next to a familiar couple. 

"Hey, Carey! Killian! Good to see you two!" Magnus cheered. The couple turned to look at him and then rushed him for a hug. 

"Mags! What are you doing here?" Carey asked. 

"Oh, it's our anniversary," he said, grabbing Ren's hand and holding it up. "Thought we'd do something fun tonight to celebrate." Ren smiled, weakly from the other side of her boyfriend. 

"Y-yep! We just saw Fantasy Hadestown and had dinner. And I can't believe we're actually getting to a Chug 'N Squeeze class! I' ve wanted to go to one of these for so long!" Ren said somewhat excitedly. 

"Nice! These things are fun," Killian said. "We love coming here. It's quite peaceful." She held her wife's hand and smiled at her. 

Then, the teacher for the day stepped up and announced that they'd be starting in a few minutes, so they needed to get seated as servers would be coming around to serve the wine. 

Someone came to Ren and Magnus's station and started pouring cabernet into the glass in front of Magnus. He turned to pour Ren's glass of wine but she refused. 

"Uh, no thanks. None for me tonight," she said to the guy. Magnus looked at her in disbelief. This was one of her favorites! Why would she be turning it down? "Could I get some water instead?" 

The server nodded and moved on to the next station. Someone brought over a glass of water and set it in front of Ren. 

The class started and everyone began to turn their clay. 

Magnus turned towards Ren, genuinely concerned now. "Babe, I couldn't help but notice you didn't take the wine just now," he whispered. She focused on her clay, working real hard on getting the right vase shape.

"I just don't feel like it right now," she replied, still looking at the beginnings of a vase on her wheel. 

"But… that's one of your favorite wines," he pointed out. "I thought you'd like some after how… Exhausted… you've been lately."

"That's not it, Mags." She sounded tired, like a mental exhaustion just hit her. 

"Then what is it?" Magnus asked, his voice rising above a whisper just then. "I feel like you're hiding something from me. You've been feeling weird and acting strange, and you wept through the whole play this afternoon. Just, please tell me what's going on. Please?" The man held out his hand for her to take it. Ren stopped her pottery wheel and wiped her hands on the towel provided so she could put her hand in his. She turned in her chair and looked him in the eyes. 

" Um… So… I was gonna wait to tell you until we got home, but… I'm pregnant," she admitted, averting her gaze as she finished the sentence. Magnus burst into tears. 

"Really?" he squeaked. Ren nodded, eyes filling with tears. He moved closer and enveloped her in a hug as best he could from their mutual sitting positions. He let go and shouted "HEY GUYS! NEXT ONE'S ON ME! MY GI-" 

"Sir! This is not a bar. This is a Chug 'N Squeeze. Please lower your voice," the teacher warned. 

"Oh. Sorry," Magnus apologized. He turned back to Ren. "We're having a baby!" he whispered excitedly. She smiled and nudged him so he was facing towards the front of the class. She started turning her wheel again, but before she began to wet her clay once more, she reached over and squeezed Magnus's hand. He squeezed back. 

Everything was going to be okay in The Chug 'N Squeeze that night. Everything was going to be absolutely fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'know how everything in this series is interconnected? Well, after writing ALHFMF, I just had to write this. This is actually the first chapter I wrote for this piece here because I love them so much. Also, Himbo!Magnus is clearly oblivious to all the signs


	4. Alone Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are going well for Lucretia. Finally.

The Chug 'N Squeeze was usually the place for group classes and dates during the evening, but they also rented out single stations by the hour during the day. Coincidentally, Lucretia was free most days. And she had money to spare. 

… 

Lucretia sat on a chair in the middle of the room, throwing an intricate vase quite expertly, when a Chug 'N Squeeze employee rapped on the door jamb. The startled woman jumped a little, messing up the pattern she was making on the vase. 

"Yes?" she asked shakily. 

The employee stepped forward as Lucretia turned around in her chair. 

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Ma'am, but the hour you paid for is almost up. If you want to keep working, you'll have to pay for more time," the dryad said formally. 

"Oh, that's alright!" Lucretia smiled. "I was almost done, but I think I will pay for another hour anyway. It can't hurt to finish with extra time left instead of rushing to get it done." 

"Okay, so I'll ring you up for another hour and you can pay at the desk when you're done," the Chug 'N Squeeze employee replied cheerily. 

"Thank you, Aspen." Lucretia turned back to her pottery, oblivious to the dryad's blushing state. 

… 

The Chug' N Squeeze employees began to see a lot more of Lucretia during the day. 

The woman would walk in, ask for the wine of the day, and request a couple hours in a private room. She'd throw a masterpiece of clay and set it aside to be fired, then start on another, or mess around with the clay when she felt like it. _If_ she allowed herself to feel like it. 

After a while, they started to notice a pattern in her appearances. The Director would show up on days that a certain dryad worked, avoiding the place when she wasn't scheduled. This earned Aspen a fair amount of teasing when Lucretia wasn't there.

"Looks like someone's got a cruuush!" her half-orc coworker sang once Lucretia left for the day. 

"Shut up, Ga'reg!" Aspen shoved him, but she was blushing so hard little flowers began to form on her skin. The bell above the door chimed and she fought to suppress her emotions until she saw it was another one of her coworkers coming in for the evening shift. 

"Hey guys! What's up? Oh! What's got you all hot and bothered in this establishment tonight?" 

"Aspen's got a crush on the Director!" Ga'reg proclaimed, much to the dryad's dismay. Aspen just buried her head in her hands and groaned. 

… 

Lucretia began to suspect her pottery kick had less to do with the art of creating things and more to do with the cute dryad who worked there. 

She'd gotten flustered more than once, especially when she asked for help with new techniques and felt the dryad's hands on hers. If she could, she'd ask her out, but it's rude to proposition a person who is working, so Lucretia felt she had no choice but to resign herself to pining after this woman. 

… 

The next time Lucretia walked into The Chug 'N Squeeze, her private room was waiting, all set up, wine and everything. She didn't even have to ask. A first. 

Suddenly, every time she came in it was set up that way. As if they knew she was going to be there. 

Then, one day, she was checking out at the end of the session (and flirting with Aspen while she did that) and Aspen scribbled something on her receipt. 

"My farstone frequency," she explained. 

Lucretia's heart pounded. She'd just gotten the cute dryad's frequency! Yes! But wait… 

"Farstone? Oh! A shortening of 'stone of farspeech.' Got it," the human said, cocking finger guns at the worker as if she were a teen or twenty-something. Or Taako. 

Aspen laughed. Lucretia wanted to hear more of that laugh. "Yeah, that's what we call it these days! Anyways… Have a lovely evening! And call me!" she called out as the woman left the building. 

Lucretia hurried out of sight of the building and put Aspen's frequency into her contacts list. She'd wait till the gal was off the clock to call. It was unprofessional to take personal calls at work. She would know. 

… 

Later that night, sitting in her more comfortable armchair, Lucretia looked at her ~~stone of farspeech~~ farstone and smiled, contemplating the outcomes that could come from calling her crush. She could be devastated, or delighted, but she wouldn't know until she went through with it. 

She took one more look at it, then decided it was time. 

She dialed the frequency and waited. 

"Oh gods, please pick up. Please pick up," she muttered under her breath as it was connecting, glowing blue in the process. Then, it turned green. 

Aspen answered her call!

"This is Aspen, speaking. May I ask who this is?" said the voice on the other end. 

"Hi, Aspen. This is Lucretia. Um, you said to give you a call, so I did. And I was wondering if you would like to, um…"

"Get coffee sometime?" Aspen guessed. "I'd love to!" 

"O-okay! Um, how about tomorrow? At that cute little place just outside Phandalin?" Lucretia was so nervous. She hadn't asked anyone out in years. She was always the one being asked. She applauded their courage, as it was taking all of hers to have this conversation over stonecall. The woman would have been a wreck of a puddle if it were held in person. 

"Yeah! That's perfect! Shall we say, oh, ten in the morning?" 

"That sounds absolutely wonderful! See you then!" Lucretia confirmed. They traded goodbyes and hung up. 

The woman squealed, an action that seemed unbecoming for a woman in her fifties. But she wasn't in her fifties mentally or emotionally, only physically. Stupid Wonderland liches.

She almost hopped around the room singing "I've got a date! I've got a date!" But she didn't. It wasn't something a professional in her field would do willy nilly. Instead, she wrote it down in her journal, and put the reminder in her stone so she wouldn't forget. Then she dialed one more frequency. 

" Hey, Taako? I know it's kind of last minute, but could you please help me pick out an outfit? I have a date tomorrow."

The elf on the other end gasped in disbelief. 

Lucretia just smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan on writing this chapter, but a comment on Lucretia's other chapter made me realize that I left her without the happiness that our dear Director deserves. So, here you go.


	5. Double Date/Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako has plans. Magnus has plans. Of course they didn't tell each other about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long chapter ahead 
> 
> much fluff, many pottery
> 
> -at this point, Ren's about a year into her eighteen month pregnancy, as half-elves grow faster than elves but slower than humans, of course. So, second trimester-ish.
> 
> (Set post-Anniversary, pre-Alone Time)

Taako straightened his hat in the hallway mirror as he tried to steel his nerves. What he was about to do later that night made him more nervous than any plane-eating entity ever could. 

“Krav, did you feed the cats?” he called out, inventing a task to give him more time to chill out. He heard his boyfriend shuffle around the kitchen. Feeling around his bag for a certain small box, Taako panicked when he couldn’t feel it, then felt relief as his fingers brushed against the soft wood of the lid. “I should really clean out this purse,” he said to no one in particular. Suddenly, he felt a pair of cold hands wrap around his waist as Kravitz hugged him from behind. “Ready to go, Bone Daddy?” he asked, feigning confidence in a way only Taako, From TV, could.

“I’m all ready, love. Cats are fed, Angus is at Merle’s, and you’re still the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid my eyes on,” Kravitz said, making Taako blush. “Now, should we walk or take a portal?” The reaper kissed his boyfriend on the cheek before conjuring up his scythe.

“Portal, all the way, my man. Let’s get Maggie and Ren while we’re at it.” The elf adjusted his hat once more and started walking out of the hallway.

“As you wish,” said Kravitz, taking hold of Taako as he ripped open a portal into Magnus’s living room.

\---

Magnus was standing in his and Ren’s bedroom, taking a small object from the very back of a dresser drawer and carefully opening it. His head swam with all the possibilities this one little box and its contents could bring.

“Honey? Can you please come help me with my shoes? Please? The baby’s making it kind of difficult to reach them,” Ren asked from the other room. That pulled the man out of his thoughts and he snapped the small wooden box in his hand closed, shoving it into his pocket as he went to assist his girlfriend.

“Taako and Kravitz are gonna be here any minute now,” Magnus said, crouched on the floor to put Ren’s shoes on for her. “Got everything?” he asked, double checking that they were absolutely ready for their double date as he helped her up from the couch.

“Yep!” Ren confirmed, patting the purse on her shoulder. “All set.” She wrapped her arm around him in an approximation of a hug, the best she could do in her current condition.

“Remember, if at any point you feel uncomfortable and wanna leave, Krav can portal us home,” Magnus said reassuringly. Almost like he was reassuring himself. “We don’t have to go out if you don’t want to.” He rubbed his arm nervously. Ren laughed.

“It almost sounds like  _ you _ don’t wanna go, Mags,” she said. “I think you’re nervous.” The man turned to face her.

“Just, what if, like… What if something goes wrong and you’re hurt, or we get lost, or someone says something bad about you, or-?”

Ren took his hands in hers and looked him in the eye.

“Magnus Burnsides, you are the kindest, bravest, most caring man I’ve ever met, and I know you would never let anything happen to me or our baby. I love you more than anything in this world, and nothing is going to take that away. So, now, we’re going to go out with our friends, make some vases, and have fun, okay?” 

Magnus nodded and kissed her forehead right as a rift opened up in their living room.

“Awww. Did we interrupt a moment?”

Magnus turned to see Taako and Kravitz step into the room.

“Welp, guess our ride’s here.”

\---

After a lovely dinner at Fantasy Panera, the four of them headed to the hottest date location they knew: The Chug ‘N Squeeze. It was Cab ‘N Vase night, the very class that kickstarted Kravitz and Taako’s relationship, and Taako had plans.

\---

“Sir, she is obviously pregnant. I cannot give her any wine,” an employee of The Chug ‘N Squeeze explained to a frustrated Taako.

“Sure you can, kemosabe. Just tip the bottle into the glass there-”

“Sir, I cannot do that.”

“Taako, it’s fine. I brought a juice box for this reason…” Ren said, trailing off when she noticed Taako’s hand waving over his already full glass. “T-taako? What are you doing?” Her friend handed her his glass.

“Taste it!” He smiled, almost triumphantly. He watched as Ren cautiously brought the wine glass to her lips, gently tipping it so the fluid flowed ever so slightly. He watched her lips curl into a smile as she realized what he’d done.

“Taako! It’s... juice? You transmuted it for me?” She was amazed. Taako grinned and Magnus looked over at him in gratitude. The man didn’t want an argument with the staff to upset his already emotional girlfriend before he proposed. This seemed to be a mutual agreement.

The server’s face was one of shock when he heard the wizard say “I believe I require another glass of wine, if you please.” They sighed and poured another glass, then continued on with the rest of their row. Taako turned to Ren. “Friends don’t let pregnant friends feel bad about not drinking. You’re welcome!” The elven woman just smiled.

\---

“Taako dearest, I don’t think that’s a vase,” Kravitz remarked, gesturing to bowl his boyfriend was working on. “Remember what happened last time?”

Taako sighed. “Yeah, yeah. It’s a bowl. But if anyone asks, it’s a vase.”

The class’s teacher looked across the room to see how everyone was doing, eyes narrowing as they lit upon Taako’s not-vase.

“Sir! Sir! That’s not a vase! It’s Cab ‘N Vase! Not Pinot Grigio ‘N Bowls!” they chided.

“This is a vase! It’s a vase for small flowers! Big bunches of small flowers!” Taako justified. “My kid brings home bunches of wildflowers he picks on the way home from school. I have to have something to hold all those!” He was lying, but they didn’t need to know that.

The teacher sighed. “Ugh fine. Continue on, everybody.”

Kravitz leaned over to Taako. “Uh, babe. Angus is allergic to pollen. He doesn’t pick flowers,” he whispered.

“I know, but they don’t know that. Chill, babe,” Taako whispered back. His hands went back to shaping his not-a-vase and the rest of the evening went off without a hitch.

\---

The class ended and the four of them milled about the lobby of The Chug 'N Squeeze, eager to get on with their night but wanting to make sure all their works got set up to be fired. 

"You two go ahead, we'll stay back to finish up and check out," Magnus offered.

"Great idea, my guy! Let's go, Krav." Taako took his hand and started for the door. The reaper followed. 

Magnus and Ren waited in line to mark their items and get a return date from the employee manning the submissions desk. They paid for the class at the checkout desk, and headed outside. 

Meanwhile, Taako and Kravitz were sitting on the bench outside The Chug 'N Squeeze when Taako suddenly felt like if he was going to propose, he'd better do it then and there or he'd lose his nerve. So, he stood up. Quite suddenly. Which shocked Kravitz, so he stood too. 

"Taako? Is something wrong?" 

"Yeah, babe. Everything's fine," the elf responded as he dug through his purse. Kravitz rolled his eyes. 

"Then what are you-" 

Kravitz looked back towards Taako and was taken aback when he saw his boyfriend on one knee in front of him. 

"Kravitz The Reaper, I kno-" 

"Wait, do you really think my last name is 'The Reaper'?" Kravitz laughed. 

"No! Uh, maybe… Fine! Yes I do, but that's not important. I'm trying to propose to you right now!" 

"Okay. I'll be quiet now." 

"Good. So, where was I…? Ah. Yes. Ahem. Kravitz The Reaper, I know I said you would have to be the one to pop the question, but I love you so so much, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't take care of three cats and an Agnes without you, or do anything without you, and I know you're, like, Death and all, but will you do me the-" 

Just then, Magnus came running out of the building with Ren trailing behind, calling after him. 

"Taako! You stole my idea!" he shouted.

"Sorry not sorry, Mango. This is  _ my  _ Kravitz. You can't have him." The elf stuck his tongue out at his best friend. Then his expression turned. "Hey! Now I have to start all over again! Thanks a lot!" 

"It's okay, love. I think I get the idea," Kravitz soothed. 

"No, no! I had this whole thing prepared so I'm gonna do it no matter what."

"Okay, babe. Go for it."

"Kravitz The Reaper, I know I said you would have to be the one to pop the question, but I love you so so much, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't take care of three cats and an Agnes without you, or do anything without you, and I know you're, like, Death and all, but will you do me the honor of being my partner in everything forever?" The elf's voice got shaker and his hands started quaking as he held the ring and actually got through his proposal this time. 

He looked up at Kravitz, who was crying, and couldn't keep it in any longer as the love of his life nodded yes and then he was crying. 

Crying as Kravitz helped him to his feet. 

Crying as he slipped the silver ring onto the reaper's finger. 

Crying as he remembered just how much he loved this man in his arms. 

And then there was applause, coming from both inside and outside The Chug 'N Squeeze. Taako looked out over Kravitz's shoulder to see that a crowd had amassed to watch his proposal. It should have made him happy, but it just annoyed him at that moment. 

"Shoo! Go away! Private moment here!" he said, waving his hands towards the crowd in an effort to get them to leave. They got the hint after Magnus turned to shoo them away as well and they dispersed. 

Magnus turned to Ren, who had tears running down her face already, and gently grabbed her hand, holding it like it was the most precious and fragile thing in existence. 

"I had better plans for this, or at least I thought I did, but it's okay, because I love you and nothing can stop me from saying it. I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone ever again, but here I am, in front of the woman I love, the mother of my child, my best friend," he said, not without emotion, and he got down on one knee. "About to ask a very important question. Ren Mol'diira, I want to be married to you till the end of my days. Will you marry me?" 

"Yes, Magnus, I will," Ren said happily through her tears.

Magnus stood up and pulled the small wooden box from his pocket, opening it to reveal a beautiful red elm ring with a single opal inlaid in the center of the band. Ren gasped. 

“Magnus, it’s beautiful,” she whispered, letting her new fiance slip it onto her ring finger. She tilted her head up to kiss him, and he returned the favor. When they finally parted, Kravitz and Taako were walking down the path that led to the ice cream shop. Taako looked back.

“Hurry it up, slow pokes!” he called.

Magnus and Ren laughed. “I guess we should go catch up with them,” Magnus said. Ren let out a shriek as he picked her up in a bridal carry to run to their friends, the happiness overflowing in the both of them manifesting as laughter. 

\---

Back at The Chug ‘N Squeeze, the employee Ga’reg shook his head as his coworker Aspen peeled herself from the window, clearly invested in the couples’ engagements. 

“Isn’t it so romantic?” the dryad sighed. “If only someone would look at me like that.”

“You have time for dating?” Ga’reg asked. “You, Aspen, the one with two jobs and college classes? How would you find the time?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe they’ll just come in out of nowhere. Wouldn’t that be a surprise?”

At that moment, the door swung open and a regal-looking human woman walked in.

“Excuse me. Who do I talk to about solo sessions?” she asked.

“Oh! Madame Director! What a surprise!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see, huh? I always knew I was gonna do a proposal chapter for this featuring Taakitz, but I never knew how much I needed the double proposal till about two days ago. I think Ren figuring out that Magnus was anxious about it was my favorite part to write, besides the scene where they can't give Ren any wine. 
> 
> Comment below and let me know what your favorite part was!
> 
> And, hey! New year, new memes!
> 
> <3 ya!


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